Talent Show

I went over to my friends' frat house, I hadn't showered and felt disgusting and uncomfortable the entire time, it had been days since I showered. They were having a big talent show and were preparing for it. I sat next to my friend and we just chatted and smoked as everyone got ready for the show. I sat down into a big, ugly, old, squishy couch by myself to watch, it was really uncomfortable and I kept drifting around with how soft it was.

The first to go was a group of women in dresses twice as long as they were. None of them knew what they were doing and tripped all over themselves, knocking each other down. We all clapped anyway. One very nerdy looking woman sat down next to me after they were done, I really started to notice how badly I needed a shower.

When she sat down, it made us start to sink towards each other but I kept trying to sink back so it wouldn't be awkward. The next talent was people playing a game of Stellaris, I could tell the girl next to me was really into the game.

Eventually I started to get sweaty and uncomfortable, partly from it getting warm and partly from all the grime on my body from not showering. I sat up and kept sinking even more into the couch, the cushions going up my sides.

After squirming a bunch, a guy next to me asked what my issue was and I explained the whole couch situation. Especially how it's awkward because it's like the couch is forcing me to cuddle this people I've never even hung out with before. She laughed when she heard me say that and quietly said, "maybe we should." I said I would be down and finally got more comfortable in the couch.

The show ends and I get up and start talking to my friends. Eventually the girl comes up to me, her voice is extremely nasally. I see her face up close for the first time and it's spotted with long black hairs on her cheeks and forehead, her glasses are covered in tape. She asks if I was serious before, and I told her yes and asked for her phone number. She tells me no, and that if we do it, it has to be tonight because she's busy. She continues to mention that she lives with her family and they don't allow technology, but I could come over to her house and we'd be left alone. I say I'd need to shower but sure it could work. Then she starts asking about what we're going to do, I suggested Settlers of Catan, but she starts wiggling her fingers in front of me, pretending to grab. She asks, "can I really do this? Can I touch all of THAT? What do I even do with it? I really need all of it."

Heavy Liquid

 I lived in a large house with a huge family. The father was obsessed with swimming pools, and had a few in the house. They were all heated by large metal plates with electricity running through them, and there was a large chandelier in the dining room made out of the same metal plates. He asked me to retrieve a heavy liquid. I went to the liquid merchants, a husband and wife. The husband didn't talk, but he knew all about the liquids while the wife handled the business end of things. I asked about heavy liquids and they said they have some, but it's so valuable that they won't trade it.

I went out to the backyard, and Josh from Drake and Josh was there, he was our sibling. A crow flies down from the sky, and it transforms into Drake. He's holding a water bottle full of gasoline and is so excited thinking it's a heavy liquid. Then they start fighting over it, but I take the gasoline and keep looking for the liquid. Right when I was inside, a file organizer starts to talk to me telepathically, it's the voice of the liquid merchant's wife. She tells me that there are dark times ahead, and she will trade the heavy liquid for the gasoline. I quickly agree, and ask about the dark times. She tells me about how she met with a crow who shared some important secrets, and they must leave the area now. Confused, I tell her that my brother happens to be a crow. I stare at the file organizer for a few minutes before she tells me she has to go, and vanishes.

Guardian of the Road

 I was the guardian of the road. Nobody was allowed to pass my road. For some reason my road attracted strange people. One man was over eight feet tall and wearing a blue morph suit filled with gold ingots. He was walking up to my barricades, and I started yelling "STOP! YOU! TURN AROUND!" and it took him awhile, but eventually he stopped. I tried talking to him, but he didn't know very many words and kept repeating "I'm made out of money." So I come to the realization that this man needs to go to the bank to be deposited, and fortunately I have a bank on my road. 

Then a woman approached my road, her boobs and butt were larger than the rest of her body. She kept trying to flirt with me, but I kept pushing her away and telling her "I only care about my road." But I had to help the blue man make his deposit and went into the bank. The banker was a mannequin, so he couldn't talk so I gave up. We walked outside, and some man was stabbing the woman, her boobs and butt started to deflate like balloons. He runs up to the blue man and stabs him too, and all his gold falls out of his suit and crushes the guy with the knife. The blue man started screaming in joy because he was no longer weighed down by all that gold and ran off. Then a snake slithers out of the woman's deflated body and is so excited about how beautiful of a snake she is, and how she's going to be an amazing prostitute. 

The entire scene pans out into the sky, and it turns out I was watching a VHS tape that was labeled as a porno and I quickly scramble to try and find the Part 2.

The Popcorn Men

 I was talking to my family about our weird relatives. Someone mentioned that one aunt, while their mom was gone, brought their horse inside to give birth in their bedroom and they fed it cereal. We all laughed and jokes about it for awhile.

I had a flashback to when that aunt was a kid. She was living in garbage, and a gross redneck was showing her a new job he wanted her to do. He kept telling her his underwear was very important because it was from the 90s and it could be used as cement. For the job, they had a big hose and were spraying down some machinery. He takes his pants off and puts his underwear on the hose until it's wet and he grabs a pinecone. He teaches her the "popcorn song" which was like a cheerful children's song that ended with you wrapping your finger around the bridge of your nose and shouting "Pop!"

 He told her that she needs to get her friends to meet him and his friend, and bring some pinecones. So she did, and they all started singing the popcorn song together. When they put their fingers on their noses and yelled "Pop!" all of their noses exploded, looking like large bloody, fleshy pieces of popcorn. The hicks, overjoyed ran off into the woods cheering. The girls panicked and ran away and went home, hiding their noses from their families. That same night, two shadowy figures broke in through the windows and killed their entire families. They tried going after the girls too, but couldn't, so they ran out the broken windows and into the night.

Only Real Emergencies

Anna, Noah, and I were driving down the road when we noticed the wind stopped and the clouds vanished. We pulled over and went outside to check things out. A huge gust of wind pushes me onto the ground, I look over at my friends and they flew up into the air. Anna landed on her back, and Noah landed on his head. I ask them if they need an ambulance and both of them say yes. Noah calls 911 and answers with, "We need an ambulance, the wind is strong" to which the dispatcher replies, "Sorry, we only do real emergencies. Anna gets pissed, grabs the phone, and starts explaining what is actually going on, so they send an ambulance. I suggest that I just put them back in the car and drive them to the hospital instead, since I'm fine. But Anna insisted that it would be safer to wait for the ambulance. We chatted for hours until the sun started to go down, and an old blue car pulls up next to us. There's a very creepy man driving it, he doesn't say anything. I carry my friends into the car, and I accidentally broke the car door handle. I shrugged it off and didn't say anything, assuming that if this is a kidnapping, the police can use that as a clue.

Ego Uncle

I had an uncle who constantly felt the need to be the hero, so we would throw huge parties for him to celebrate even the smallest of good deeds he did. We would always hire a photographer and tell him it was because the newspaper wanted to publish the story.

We would often exaggerate the good deed to make it sound more like it was worth celebrating, and essentially gaslight him into thinking he actually did something really amazing. We were throwing a party because he gave someone a compliment, but the story kept getting exaggerated to the point where the cake said "Jeff is so great for saving that disabled veteran who fell from the sky, giving him a good education, and then some sandwiches."

In stark contrast to his wife, who everyone hated. She told another family member that she's so fat that she needs to eat in the car so nobody has to watch her, which she did just to get away from her. I started talking to my family, asking why she was so rude to everyone and trying to psychoanalyze her behavior, but everyone just told me I'm overthinking things and she's just a bitch.

I Always Hated Kids

I went to someone's house so we could all go out for a family gathering. Lots of kids, aged around 6 or 7, who are spoiled brats were there, but two of them are fighting about toys. The whole family starts to leave and forgets those two kids so I'm trying to get them ready to go. The family left and I told one kid that we have to go right now, so he runs out in just his underwear and jumps into the snow. I didn't have any shoes on, so I'm getting ready to go save him. Then the other kid starts staring at me and saying creepy stuff from the other side of the room, while a rocking chair by him starts rocking uncomfortably fast all by itself.

I hear a thumping in the background and turn to look at the kid in the snow, and the lawn decorations came to life. One of them was a huge purple man strangling the boy and hitting his head against the snow. I yell out at the man and he ignores me until I start to run after them. The purple man drops the boy and goes into the backyard, so I bring the boy inside to warm up. I try having a talk with the other boy saying he needs to forgive his brother for the toy thing, and how family is annoying but we need to forgive and grow with each other. He just kept getting mad and calling me stupid while the furniture comes to life and starts trying to kill me. Suddenly the floor moves and pushes me outside, and the purple guy has one of the kids and is running around the lawn with him. I try chasing him but the white picket fence turned into daggers and started rolling around throwing them at me

Noodle Head

I was sitting in a university lecture, and the guy sitting in front of us was bald and had huge wounds all over his head. But there was one spot that looked exactly like ramen noodles with chunks of chicken in it. My friend kept poking and pulling at all of it, and Noodle Head just kept giggling saying "oh stop it." Eventually we all couldn't help but touch it because it was just so weird. It was as if he had huge gouges in his skull and then stuffed them with ramen and chicken. Eventually we pulled it all out, and we were covered in bloody ramen and the professor wouldn't let us clean up.

Arcade on the Water

I was living on a strange house where the floor floated on top of the lake. My friend, Levi, was visiting and we were playing Game Boy, but he was somehow uploading everything into a PS3 he was carrying around because he wanted the extra storage space. He also had some tech magazine, he was trying to explain things in it, which I understood perfectly, but kept skipping it saying I wouldn't understand.

Eventually a bunch of people started to arrived for a party. We had these weird high tech glasses, one pair could calculate distances and could x-ray to measure depth. One of the guys there kept complaining about how nobody can touch his back because it's extremely sensitive and hurts way too much. I used the glasses to look, and his left side was completely shaved, but his right side had a hair mat that was four inches thick.

The party went on and as it got late, everyone there was an asshole to everyone, but we started discussing sleeping arrangements for the 16 people there. Then some huge waves started to shoot up through the floorboards, I ran through them to find out what was going on. A couple of the people were standing in the lake, grabbing the floorboards and shaking them to make the waves. I yelled at them to knock it off, but it was too late and the house broke off from the shoreline and floated out onto the lake. It crashed into an offshore arcade, and my sister commented about how this feels like a shitty movie.

We all went inside to play the arcade games, and I went around to explore. I found a medical room with a few EMTs sitting around smoking cigarettes, and a man sitting with him who couldn't breathe. I went back to the games, and this little Korean kid started following me around. There was this miniature curling game that was similar to a skee-ball table, but with a layer of ice on it. I kept using the curling stone to scrape off the ice because I thought it was cool watching the ice reform.

Then a little Korean boy came up to me and started poking me in the back, but I kept telling him to leave me alone because I wanted to play with the ice. Eventually I got bored and went back to talk to my sister, she showed me a sticker she found. I pointed at the boy and said "I think I found the neighborhood pet, don't give him attention, he's annoying." Which made him embarrassed and he left, so my sister and I went back to playing games. I take a closer look at the tokens for the games, and notice that they're all close up pictures of all the different body parts of a Korean woman, but with black figures shadowing over things.

The boy shows back up again and starts throwing tokens at us, I caught one and the picture was an eye crying blood. I called out, "Hey! He's got the weird coins!" and I start to chase after him, but my sister yells that I shouldn't go. When I get around the corner, I see his dad there, he's furious. He starts stomping and his face shrivels up and he yells, "Silence! Search no longer!" And black blood started pouring out of his face.

Sad Cat

My family and I were staying at a rich family friend's house. There was no bedroom for me so I slept in the closet of the room my sister was in, which both were filthy, and my old cat, Meat, was there in the closet napping in the clothes, the story was that after the breakup, she got passed around to many families but ended up there (not what happened in real life whatsoever).

I go to the private theater in the house and play ET and when it ended it was super loud and made everyone anxious. The whole place was an absolute pigsty. Garbage up to your knees throughout the entire house. But we were all talking advantage of the things she had but we all felt really guilty about enjoying ourselves because we didn't know she let her house get that bad

After awhile, my sister was getting ready and I asked if I could go into the closet. And I plopped down next to Meat and started complaining about the things going on.

My sister came in to chat and I pet Meat and noticed she was wet, which I thought was weird, then I realized she hadn't moved anywhere since I got there. So I moved the dirty clothes off her and she was soaked with blood and had big scratches and scabs all over her body. Both her back legs were broken. I instantly broke down crying, apologizing for a lot of things and promising to fix her. My sister started to freak out and calm me down but I just got pissed because my emotions didn't matter, we had to get the cat to the vet immediately.

Walmart Cult

I was in Walmart making a documentary about police violence. There was an old lady and an employee who was around 6'6, a bit bigger, and he had a ponytail. They were arguing about her eyeglass prescription. She's saying how it's ridiculous how easy it is to remove organs from people and that there's probably bodies in the street. Ponytail tells her to just go to checkout because she's crazy. I ask him for an interview and he says sure after he gets done with his shift.

I walk around the front of Walmart, it's getting close to twilight. And that old lady hands me a thick black blanket with the anarchy symbol on it and tells me to keep warm tonight, I didn't ask any questions I was just like "fuck okay, thanks, this is awesome."

Ponytail walks out and we start the interview, he wants to be anonymous so we did the shadow face thing you see in documentaries. He tells me about how the police are brutal in this area, every night it gets worse, and if I just stuck around, I would see what really happens, so I decide that I will.

I sat on a bench wrapped up in the anarchy blanket and just watched the people in the parking lot trickle out as the sun went down. Eventually I see a few cops show up and they start spraying graffiti on the ground. After they leave I go and take some pictures of it, do a little of my own graffiti on top of it and take another picture.

Ponytail shows up and comments on my graffiti. The same cops show up to yell at me that graffiti is illegal, and ponytail says "I think you've seen enough already" and he put his hands forward. His skin starting to bubble and wrinkle, and his skin was moving around. The police fell to the ground and their skin falls off and all their organs spill out onto the asphalt.

I turn over to ponytail and suddenly he's wearing a red robe that's way too big for him, can't see his face or hands or anything other skin. The sky is deep red, and there's a ton of other people in red robes slowly getting closer. Ponytail says something like "you've learned too much" and he pulls out a dime. I started begging him to let me live and I say I won't say anything. He flips the dime and it lands on the ground, he says "in 5 minutes" and I kept begging more. He flips a quarter and it lands on the ground "you'll be on your last life.. better make it count." He pulls back his robe and shows his wrinkly hands, and he puts his sleeve up to my face and tells me to drink. I "drink" from it but there's nothing there, just air, and I instantly woke up.

Too Many Pets

I was in my bedroom with my cat, Curie and my old cat, Hexe. Only in this alternate universe we had way to many weird pets. Curie was introduced to a few of them which she all disliked, including an alligator, a gorilla, and a pig. I was sitting in my room about to roll a joint. There were little poops all over my room suddenly and they'd slowly shrink down and disintegrate over time before being replaced. I gave Hexe some pets and every time I turned around to look at another animal, there would be a new one in my room. First was a parrot who was cleaning Curie, she actually liked the parrot. Then a duck, then the pig, and then a gorilla. At that point I was sick of the poops and felt too crowded and decided to kick everyone out of my room. I went to get a bag for the poop, and Curie followed me.

The parrot and duck were playing in the sink, the parrot knew how to turn it on. But they started making a mess, so Curie hopped up there and said ,"wow these idiots, you're lucky I'm here to keep things in order" and I just responded with, "you're right Curie, you're the best." I walked past the basement and the alligator was sitting down there, but I ignored it and kept looking for a bag. Then I heard Curie yowling and I quickly turned around. She had all her claws in me, holding on for dear life because the alligator bit down and was holding on to her tail. My sister noticed immediately and grabbed the alligator from behind and was pulling it backwards. I grabbed one of those mouse on a stick toys that just happened to be by me and started smacking the alligator with it, which it then let go of Curie. I wagged the toy in front of it so it would bite down on the toy instead, while it was distracted, my sister grabbed it from behind and picked it up. Scolding it saying that cats aren't for eating and she brought it into the basement.